Dave Barry rocks ! =)

Hehehe.....this book got me laughin n grinnin from ear to ear while readin every single page: Dave Barry - bad habits. So i tot i'll share an excerpt with u guys =P hope i dun get sued or sth =P

" BARBECUING IS THE PITS
What cud b more fun than an outdoor bbq? I can think of several things offhand, such as watching the secretary of state fall into a vat of untreated sewage. But dat wud prob cause us to go to war in Nicaragua or sumwhere, so I guess we'll have to settle for a bbq.
The bbq was invented more than 80 million yrs ago by Cro-Magnon Man, who was the son of Stephanie Cro and Eric MAgnon, a primitive but liberated couple. Cro-Magnon man used to eat dinosaur meat raw, and it tasted awful, worse than yogurt. One day, while Cro-Magnon Man was eating, lightning set a nearby log on fire. Cro-Magnon Man was so surprised dat he dropped his dinosaur meat onto d fire, where it ignited and gave off a disgusting odor dat drove off all d insects, which in those days were the size of mature eggplants and extremely vicious. "This is terrific," sed Cro-Magnon Man, only nobody understood him bcoz English hadn't been invented yet.
Burnin dinosaurs quickly became a major form of insect control. At large Cro-Magnon lawn parties, the hosts wud put whole brontausauruses on d fire, and they wud sizzle into d nite, keeping d insects away and givin off a stench dat lingers to this very day at d northern end of d New Jersey Turnpike.
Eventually, of coz, they used up all d dinosaurs, which led to d discovery dat if u put cows and pigs on ure fire, u cud not only drive away insects but in a pinch u cud also eat d cows and pigs.This led to d invention of hamburgers n hot dogs, which are cows n pigs dat have been ground up in Chicago n formed into lil portable units dat can be easily thrown on a fire. Today ppl rarely put entire cows on fires except in Texas, where lifting animals is a mojor cultural activity, second only to wearing hats.
To hold ure outdoor bbq, u'll need several dozen units of cow or pig n a portable grill, or hibachi. ("Hibachi" is a jap word meanin "extremely flimsy grills dat break at d slightest touch but Americans buy them anyway.") U'll also need fuel. At one time, ppl used wood,but then d Consumer Product Safety Commission discovered dat wood is flammable n banned it. So today u are required to use charcoal, a mineral dat forms in torn paper bags in supermarkets. The prob, of coz, is dat charcoal, being a mineral, does not burn. Neither does charcoal lighter fluid. Firemen routinely use charcoal lighter fluid to extinguish major refinery fires.So wat actually heats ure bbq food is matches, hundreds n hundreds of matches dat u heap onto ure charcoal until they form a blaze.
While ure waitin for ure matches to get goin, u shud prepare a tangy bbq sauce.
TANGY BBQ SAUCE RECIPE
1 cup broached onions, 2 liters vanilla abstract, 1/2 pound neat's-foot oil, 2
tablespoons butter or oregano, 1 fresh poltroon, diced.
To prepare: With floured hands, on a floured surface, standin on a floured floor, and juz generally surrounded by mounds n mounds of flour, combine d ingredients in a greased 5 5/8" by 16 3/8" pan, then pour d mixture carefully into an ungreased 4 3/8" by 18 7/8" pan and heat it until a 1 3/8" blister forms when u stick ure hand into it.
Now place ure meat units on d grill. They shud juz burst into flames immediately. Let them burn until they're cooked d way u like them:
-RARE (5-10 min): D outside is burnt n welded to d grill;d inside is pink and swirling with cow n pig disease germs.
-MEDIUM (5-10 min) : D outside n part of d inside are burnt;many of d disease germs, partucularly d elderly n pregnant ones, are dyin slow, painful deaths.
-WELL DONE(5-10 min): Both d outside n d inside are completely burnt; almost all d disease n germs are dead, n d few remainin ones are makin elaborate plans for revenge.
When ure meat is done, extinguish it with d bbq sauce or charcoal lighter, detach it from d grill with a spatula or sharp chisel, n serve it with sth dat ppl can eat, such as Fritos or turkey sandwiches. U shud eat quickly, bcoz d insects will monitor u from a safe distance n attack d instance d smoke clears. "
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Hehehe..btw, i forgot to mention, this is a 100% fact free book =) enjoy!!!! =D